|
Jokes brought to you from
| ||||||
|
Here at theinkbox.com and print-a-label we want you to have fun while ordering your ink cartridges and labels from us, and so we have made this page for you our customers to share your jokes. If you have a joke or funny picture you would like to share with us please email it to: jokes@theinkbox.com
If you would like to receive our jokes regularly by email then please enter our one of our competitions:
All jokes must be clean and inoffensive.
Little Gordon Ramsey - Sent by Tim Mahoney. Want Sky+ FREE SKY+ HD £75 Text your name to 07528 152214 - 16/10/08
We've bleeped out the swearing as much as we can, if you like Gordon then you'll love this little fellow!
Wise Words from a Stockbroker - Sent by Dave Jackson - 14/10/08
If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95; with HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50; £1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5; but if you bought £1000 worth of Stella Artois one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant, you would get £214. So based on the above statistics the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and re-cycle./* Your Monitor looks a bit dirty!!!
Click the washer below to get a FREE CLEAN UP! It works well.
Sent by Tim Mahoney. Want Sky+ FREE SKY+ HD £75 Text your name to 07528 152214
London Olympics 2012 - Sent by Anne & Billy Milligan - 07/10/08
London(Stratford) will be hosting the Olympic Games in 2012. You may not know that many of the famous events, which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2012. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below: OPENING CEREMONY The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the area in the traditional dress of balaclava and shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium. THE EVENTS In previous Olympic Games, East London's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes. 100 METRES SPRINT Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm)and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes. 110 METRES HURDLES As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences,walls etc) HAMMER Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw,sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts. FENCING Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible in 5 minutes. SHOOTING A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages deliveryman. The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or sawn-off 12-bore shotgun. BOXING Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence. CYCLING TIME TRIALS Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home.. All against the clock. CYCLING PURSUIT As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft. MODERN PENTATHLON Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding and arson. SWIMMING EVENTS All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised, please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by 'The Verve.' THE MARATHON A safe route has yet to be decided. MEN'S 50KM WALK Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of East London, especially anyone that appears to be... mincing THE CLOSING CEREMONY Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Stratford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Ilford Community Choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following the inevitable pitch invasion by confused West Ham organised hooliganism club. The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler If my body were a car!!! - Sent by Jennifer Berry - 07/10/08
If my body were a car this is the time i would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... buts thats not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and its especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was.
I slip and slide skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed and my fuel burns inefficiently, but here's the worst of it ....almost every time i sneeze, cough or splutter ... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires! The Green Man
There was a man whose name was Green. He painted himself green and he painted his house green.
One day he just got into the shower, when knock, knock came from the door, he put his green towel around himself and
answered the door, it was the postman.
He got back in the shower (which had green tiles by the way!), knock, knock, came from the door, so he put his green towel around him again and answered the door, it was the milkman.
He then got back into the shower for the third time, and yes once again, knock, knock, came from the door, and Jimmy (his blind neighbour from next door) shouted 'it's me Jimmy'. as Jimmy was blind green didn't put the towel around him, he opened the door. Jimmy said with a big smile "I've got my sight back!" he then saw that green was naked so he ran across the road and unfortunately was run over by a bus......
The moral of the story is: Never cross the road when the green man is flashing!!!
|
